Wow. After so many months, I'm blogging here again. But only to say goodbye.

I think it's time to move on. I haven't blogged properly since my last entry but I created a new blog for a new life and a new perspective. This blog is reeking with negativity and I don't want that anymore.

So for those who randomly happen to come across this site, my new blog is here. It's really new, as in I made it just a few minutes ago, but I'm excited about it and about the new year of my life.

So to you, certified blog, thanks for keeping 7 years of my mediocre record of my life. But I think it's time to let you go.

Goodbye.

Pessimism has a way of eating into one's system that even when a fortunate event enters one's life, one will simply ignore it as another opportunity for disappointments because after all the happiness and celebration, there will always come strife.

Something good happened to me recently amidst all my negative thoughts and doubts and expectations. At first I was ecstatic, really. But now, I'm getting nervous again and thinking and analyzing things too much.

What's worse, I haven't seen my brother for more than 24 hours now and he isn't replying to our texts. My parents aren't worried but it always freaks me out when my siblings are gone for a period of time longer than expected and they don't text. Like that time my sister didn't come home from Malaysia or something on the day she said she was going to come. I think she was delayed for two days or something and I got extremely nervous I had to ask her boyfriend about her because she texts him more than she does us. But my brother doesn't have a girlfriend so I don't know what to do.

The funny thing is I can already see myself being the nervous parent because of all this worrying. Oh gosh. What a terrible parent I would turn out to be.

Anyway, my summer plans have come to a temporary halt until... until G-day. If ever that day comes.

Aaahhhhapodifupe my nerves can only take so much.

Before I continue working on my seemingly never-ending papers, let me blog.

Hi.

Last Friday marked the end of an era. LOL era. More like the end of a reign but it doesn't sound as dramatic. But I digress.

Last Friday, UP JC finally found its new set of officers for the school year 2011-2012. The ballot counting ended at around 7:30 in the evening and it felt, to be quite honest, fulfilling. I for one am more than happy to give up my position and pass it on to the next external affairs committee head. The responsibility was seriously depressing and out of all the ups and downs I've experienced this year, being an officer was the reason for majority of those downs.

I do feel bad, however, for how the org sees being an extecomm head now. I've complained about it for so long that people see it as a burden, not an opportunity. They should know that my hate love for the position was very personal and nobody, not even my fellow ex-EB members, except me can fully grasp why I kind of hated it so. What they don't see is the countless opportunities to interact with other orgs in the campus and create not only useful contacts for the future but also friendships. They just need to be courageous enough to go out and boast about our org (which I have clearly failed to do, btw, because I am socially retarded). But seriously, the position presents so many opportunities to the officer throughout the year. The officer just has to know what opportunity to grab and when to grab it.

But anyway, it is no longer my job to do so. I leave all the responsibilities and worries to the new officers. The org will become their source of joy and pain, just like how it was for me and the other officers. I trust them and I trust they're going to take care of the org and its members. Hopefully they'll do a good job, hopefully there won't be too many blunders and hopefully they'll ignite the fire within each member and inspire them to become active again. Hopefully, they'll do a better job than we did. And that's all I can do now.

I mean, yeah, I can help them in the future and stuff but nah, I don't want to be a meddlesome alumna. LOL they'll be fine on their own.

p.s. I am thinking of moving to a different blog after the school year ends, maybe to chronicle my life as a bum over the summer. I just feel like I've outgrown this blog. It's been with me since my sophomore year in high school. I don't know. I'm still thinking about it. And this is totally irrelevant to your lives.

Pale Blue Eyes by The Velvet Underground. Where have I heard it before? We have the mp3 in our music folder but I have no idea who downloaded it. I think I did. But I can't remember where I heard it before. And it's bothering me like hell

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There is this huge cloud of doubt hovering above my head right now. And the worst part is I can't even talk to anyone about it because of my stupid fear that if I say something bad's going to happen, it will really happen. It's not even superstition, it's just stupidity.

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Gaddhafi is a bitch. I don't know the whole context behind Libya's uprising but I saw the video where the military literally opened fire at peaceful protesters. The video was spooky. People were down on the ground with blood around their heads/bodies. It just goes to show some people out there are experiencing REAL problems and we have no right to complain about the little things.

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An example of a little thing is being jealous. About anything. About a classmate getting higher scores on a test or a friend being able to travel anytime anywhere. Or even about people who get to hang out with cool people more unlike you who has to attend to academic obligations for that week and thus missing out on all the fun with those cool people.

Dwelling on these little things will only lead you to feel depressed and pathetic. Depressed for being grade conscious and pathetic for being jealous. And also pathetic for almost resorting to cyberstalking. That shit is just creepy.

So like I said, we should focus on the world's REAL problems.

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People who stay up late are lonely, a picture on tumblr said. Hrm.

The thing about old friendships lost is that they remain old and because you never got the chance to talk to that person again. And it wasn't your fault. At the time, technology wasn't as advanced and you didn't know how to appreciate a good friend when you had one.

A friend of mine from elementary quite suddenly added me on Facebook. See, this person transferred to a different high school so our friendship never got to go deeper than a brief two-year period. We met in 5th grade (she was also a transferee then), became extremely close, were in different sections in 6th grade but still got to see each other and after that, POOF. She disappeared from my life.

She looks EXACTLY like how she looked back then. And I really want to get to know her again but we've had no communication for so long, I don't know if we can actually still talk to each other like friends. And that saddens me because out of all the people I met in the hell that was my Ateneo elementary years (seriously, those years were horrible), she was one of the few I really, truly, genuinely liked. But then she moved and I felt a little bitter but I also moved... on with my life.

The weirdest part of this all is I can't even say I miss/ed her because... I don't/didn't. I mean, I probably did back in grade school but I wasn't emotionally mature yet to get attached to a person. I was still at my keep-friends-for-only-a-year-because-you'll-have-new-classmates-next-year mode. And I didn't trust anybody enough to keep them as long term friends (I have trust issues, sorry).

So yeah.

Dude, I'm just rambling. It's 3 a.m. and I'm not done with my research because I just listened to Radwimps for the most part of the night and tumbled away the rest. And it's just freaking weird how someone from a part of my past I don't really like to dwell on just out of nowhere reappears and brings all the memories with her.

Whatever, I'm just going to go and listen to Radwimps.